WASHINGTON, DC, April 1, 2001 (UTI) — President George W. Bush today announced that he is planning to change his name to George WWW Bush in order to show the world his commitment to technology.

“I was inspired by sites such as http://www.whitehouse.com,” said Bush, “and I want to participate more directly in the Internet revolution. My strategery is to leverage the synergy of this high-tech cyberspace. And what better way than to change my middle name to ‘WWW’ in recognizance of the Worldly Web of Wonder.” When asked if he was also going to show his commitment to technology by filling key vacant positions such as White House technology staff, Director of the Office of Science and Technology Policy, Director of the National Institute of Standards and Technology, Administrator of the National Telecommunications and Information Administration, Undersecretary of Technology, Undersecretary of International Trade, and Director of the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office, Bush replied, “Nope, I think the name change does the trick.”

An unintended side effect of Bush’s announcement is the apparent royalties that Al Gore stands to receive as a result of the President’s new middle name. Former Vice President Gore, who is widely recognized as the Internet’s inventor, holds the trademark rights to “WWW” and is likely to seek license fees for the President’s use of the name. Early reports had suggested that Gore might seek a recount of the number of Ws in Bush’s middle name, but since Gore does not own the rights to “WW” or “W,” a court-ordered recount is unlikely, since it would involve in Gore losing any future royalties from Bush’s use of “WWW.”

Bush critics contend that this is just another way that Bush is rubbing last year’s narrow election victory in Gore’s face. Chad Dimple, a Gore spokesperson who asked to remain anonymous, stated that “Somebody is going hang for this. It’s black and white. There’s no such thing as being half pregnant. Either you invented the Internet or you didn’t. And Gore did. Bush didn’t. You’re not going to print this, are you?”

Bush supporters believe the name change will give the President the support he needs. “Despite the recent downturn in high-tech stocks, everybody still loves the Web,” said a White House spokesperson, who asked to be named, “and WWW is synonymous with the Web. We think this will easily give the President the mandate he needs to compassionately conserve the country.”

At least one analyst at Jutiper Communications believes that Bush re-middle-naming could be worth trillions. Jutiper has already released a preliminary report that pegs Bush’s name value in the “low to mid twelve figures, or more, if you need it to be more.” A full copy of the three-page report can be downloaded from Jutiper’s web site for $250,017.

“Elected” the 43rd president of the United States, George WWW Bush is graduate of Yale University and former owner of the world champion Texas Rangers baseball team. He also enjoys shooting fish in barrels.

Nothing in this “press release” is true, except this sentence. Fingbot (http://www.fingbot.com) does not condone shooting fish in barrels. Fingbot: the perfect domain name, the perfect mailing list. You cannot control Fingbot. You can only hope to contain Fingbot. Do no taunt happy fun Fingbot. All your base are belong to Fingbot. Fingbots in the mirror are closer than they appear. We’d prefer that you not bot, but if you must bot, please Fingbot. Just say Fingbot ™.


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